so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
