I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
