cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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