I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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