How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
