Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
