We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
