How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
