I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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