On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
