worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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