What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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