Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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