tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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