kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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