Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize