I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
