I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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