Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
