I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
