we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
