I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize