My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
