did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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