You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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