even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
