I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
