I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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