I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
