First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
