im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
