I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
