so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
