??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
