I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
