I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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