Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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