I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
