I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
