i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The chlamydia really affected his face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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