Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
