Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
