im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
