He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
