So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
