she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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