uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
