I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
