my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
