Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
