i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bring money and cleavage
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
