Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
