My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
