hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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