i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I had to cum in my sink.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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