Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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