I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize