I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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