I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
