My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize