laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize