ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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