got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
