she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
