dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
