My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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