Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
