More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
