you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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