I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
