I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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