Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
