3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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