I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
